Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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