Umm I'm too high to move.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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