I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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