okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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