I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
please don't ironically join a cult
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