Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You need Xanax blowdarts
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
