She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
