The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
