ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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