Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
