i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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