Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
