I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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