Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
