Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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