literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
