it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
