dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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