I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
