I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize