Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
