WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
