lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
