I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize