Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
