She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
