i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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