I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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