I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This is the high leading the old right now
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
