Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
