i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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