How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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