Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
