haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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