We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
