I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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