So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
