Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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