thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
