The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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