My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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