Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
