Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
