so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
