fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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