im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She said her name was "party"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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