i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
