Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
