im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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