do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
