College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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