1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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