she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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