What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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