Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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