Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
