hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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