sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
