3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
