Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
