tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
