I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
